22 November 2005
It’s not my fault
While watching a video clip for Abudlmajid Abdullah for his lately released song غنوا لحبيبي. I said to my self in a voice that could be heard by who is sitting near me: “I will do the same for my daughter”. “And where is she” my mom said “Someday she will come” I replied. My mom paused for a while and then said “When ever her father comes you kick him out of the door”. “Her father didn’t show yet and maybe he will never do”
A normal conversation that had became for some years now; When ever my mom finds the opportunity to start it she does. She always blames me for not getting married and having my own children. I admit that I share the responsibility of that and that I am a picky type yet it’s not my fault alone.
I have some conditions that I will never renounce but they are all for the good of my future family and life. What my family has as conditions is what I don’t understand.
“Family name”. It never matters how good the guy is, well educated, well behaved and good aims he had. It is always the family name that comes first.
November 22nd, 2005 at 12:36 pm
yeah, this is common amongst many families.
Many base their judgment on the person proposing based on which family he comes from. Its a society thing, & the current social atmosphere we have in Kuwait has a big affect on this condition.
So its a society thing… a sick society if i may add!
November 22nd, 2005 at 12:55 pm
للأسف .. انا دايما اقول ان هالزمن ضاع فيه المعنى و الناس فيه تلهث ورى اشياء مادية تافهة و سخيفة
احيانا اتمسك بمبادئي حيل و احيانا اخاف لا تضيعني وسط هالناس
اشاركج افكارج حيل مو شوي .. و لا بد من الابتسامة:)
سلام:)
November 22nd, 2005 at 6:12 pm
the main reason the go through the family history of the guy or girl is because you dont just marry the guy him self .. in this country we stay in great contact with the whole family.
so its diff.
November 22nd, 2005 at 9:23 pm
Bo ghazi Sick is the best word to use.
طائر Keep your concepts; concepts like yours could change the society we are living in.
Judy I am not in contact with my own relatives to be in contact with his. I will be marrying him and caring for the people he loves but that does not mean that what they do or act will change my opinion about him.
I will be marrying him alone not his family name.
And talking about this country; old generations of this country invented such rules and traditions new generations could knock them down.
November 22nd, 2005 at 9:38 pm
To be honest… in kuwait this issue is important.. I know many friends that are in trouble because of mess picking!!..
Your mother loves you, she wants the best for you! yes family name comes first! are they well known as a good people? no previous criminal records? Drug, alchohol and and and… in that family? its really important TF..
However, if someone with lets say unknown family, and has respected amount of money ya3ni he can afford marriage.. rejecting him because he’s from unknown family can be right, socially is right! unless your parent take effrots to ask about him and his relatives?..
in Arabic,
ما يصير يقطونج قط على الريال.. الأصل والنسب مهمين
الناس طبقات اختي العزيزة !! اذا امك وابوك شايفين ان فيه اختلاف شاسع بالطبقات بين عايلتكم وعايلت الرجل.. الصراحة اهم ادرى منج!!!!
بس يا ريت الأبهات والأمهات يتعبون روحهم اشوي و يسئلون عن الرياييل اللي يتقدمون لبناتهم قبل اي قرار ممكن يرجع سلبًا على الطرفين والله أعلم
بالنهاية اقول لك
قال عليه الصلاة والسلام: (إذا أتاكم من ترضون
دينه وخلقه فزوجوه)..
November 23rd, 2005 at 1:32 am
محد ياخذ أكثر من نصيبة كل شي مكتوب لا ذنبج و لا ذنب أهلج
November 23rd, 2005 at 3:28 am
Family name doesn’t mean anything any more, how many people I’ve seen married for the sake of it and ended up in a messy divorce after a very short period of time. Just look at the divorce rate in Kuwait it’s increasing in an alarming rate!
As for parents asking around trust me if the guy is a bad seed people would never admit it especially his close friends and family, they would portray him the most decent nice guy ever. I have so many stories that i couldn’t possibly mention cuz it’ll take forever, i also blame some of the girls who think marrying a famous name could better their stature in this sick society, sorry for this long comment but I’m just sick and tired of hearing those same girls complain about their marriages and regretting their decisions.
November 23rd, 2005 at 5:16 am
so funny i was reading your post and then 3abdelmajeed was playing on the radio just as i was reading hehehe
November 23rd, 2005 at 9:24 am
Dear TF:
marriage is a sacred and very powerful bond that ideally should last til the end. When it lasts, it makes for a healthier environment for your kids as well as yourself.
How to make it last? to have as few threats to its stability as possible. No one is perfect, let alone a whole family of imperfect people. But you can still choose. Every person comes from the environment which he was raised in. No matter how much of a rebel he is, he’ll get tired in the end and the people he calls family will still be who they are. They will be in your life forever.
Ask and choose extremely wisely. romance is nice and fun, but its nothing more than adolescent fantasies. what stays and remains is generosity of spirit and respect between one another.
Plain and simple advice? watch how he/his family treat their servants. That to me is the easiest way to judge character.
November 23rd, 2005 at 10:48 am
I totally agree with Diver, Al sawaj na9eeb, and some time its the last person you will think about, I have seen it in life with of my friends.
November 23rd, 2005 at 11:06 am
I know how common this is among alot of families…a marriage of convenience. You do what you believe is right. This way you have a clear conscience on the decision you made on who to marry, without the extrenal pressure of what and how to marry.
November 23rd, 2005 at 11:28 am
I live in Q8, Diver, Reema, Photo Flow, Mishari 26, Googoosh and Jazz Central
Thank you all for your comments that really added a lot to the subject but I want to add some facts about the subject and what I think of it.
What I meant by family name is the last name of the person. In my family this really matters. What are the roots of this guy’s family? in Arabic a9eel or not, and a9eel to my family is that his blood must be pure Arab as if Arab are the best in this world, as if they by that blood have the best minds in the world.
I am not in to marriage that much; I have a life that I am working on I have dreams that I am trying to achieve. I have a wonderful life that will not be affected if I remained single. It’s my family who wants me to get married and really concerned about it; it is because they love me and care about me indeed, I have no doubt about that.
But if a good guy comes and go they can’t blame me for not getting married.
Answering the question of Photo flow?
I am not that old I am just 25. And what I want in a guy that could be my husband is:
1. True Muslim that fears Allah in his acts; prays, fasts, don’t drink.
2. A beautiful mind that reacts to his surroundings in a clever way; I am an answer seeker and need some one like me.
3. A good listener.
4. A teacher; will lead me through life and protect me from its dangers.
5. Ambitious; I can’t bare living with a statue.
6. A guy that believes that respect comes before love.
Is that much; I don’t think so.
Laialy Q8 Which song was it?
November 23rd, 2005 at 12:12 pm
True Faith, You want not a lot at all… My friend who refuses every man as a husband asked me one day: “Do I want a lot?” I said “No”. And with You it`s so too…
And about family… even here it can happen. And also I was confronted with such a situation… & to marry his family… the worst thing.
But True Faith, You are an independent clever lady
Everything has it`s own time in this life… and I like as You said “I am just 25″… JUST, not ALREADY.
I wish You to withstand any pressure of your family & do only what You find good for You.
November 23rd, 2005 at 2:06 pm
الله يوفقك يابنت الحلال
وتونا على الهم
بس تبين الصراحه بعض الاحيان هالامور لازم تفكرين فيها بس طبعا هي مو كل شي بالزواج
يمكن الاهل ينظرون لها اول بعدين يروحون للاشياء الثانيه
تذكري ان اهلك واهلي او اهل اي بنت يحبونا ويبون لنا الافضل
November 23rd, 2005 at 2:28 pm
TF,
I feel the same way. My relatives who I hardly know not only care about the family name, but they dont like it when one marries someone who’s a ‘3areeb! I just came to Kuwait and I was surprised to know that everyone already made the arrangement of marrying me off to a cousin (without letting me know). yeah!All I need to do is show up LOL! not gonna happen!
I hear it everyday. You are getting old, your chances in marriage are slim. Im so fed up with it! the Arab mentality when it comes to marriage is so sickening. I’d rather wait and get married when Im ready rather than rush into something and destroy myself and maybe a kids’ life because I made the wrong decision!!
November 23rd, 2005 at 3:23 pm
Enjoy
November 23rd, 2005 at 4:31 pm
3ala goulat q8ya : مجتمع جاهل
when i ask my mom y does his family’s name matter? she simply says: “la2anna hatha qanoon”
wut qanoon! y is ths qanoon??
she then gets mad n says “bass 9ikay ilmawthoo3 mara7 anaqshich! e7na likbar enshoof shay entaw matshoofooona!”
but i never give up ;p i asked her again wut is it that u know n i dont??
she said: “kil wa7ed lah 3adaatah oo ohma 3adat’hom ghaiir 3anna wayed!”
bass ana ma ashoof farg, ka feeh nass a9eeeleeen nasebaww mo a9eeleeen oo il7emdillah they’re living a7san 3eesha!
la oo sub7an Allah eb qodrat qader ily mo a9eeleeen bass 3indihom floos 9araw a9eeleeeen, hawww?!!
staghfer Allah ta5alofff!
November 24th, 2005 at 9:17 am
T.N.C Thank you sweetie
Se3loah I am sure that my family loves me and my happeiness is their major concern
Hope “I’d rather wait and get married when Im ready rather than rush into something and destroy myself and maybe a kids’ life because I made the wrong decision!!”
Purgy Thank you, I did enjoy it a lot
V.B In my case even if he had maal qaroon; not a9eel mako zawaj.