Fluent Thoughts

“I will throw you a party and let you wear the blue dress your aunt sent you”. “I will invite all of your friends”.

She was really happy about it but wasn’t sure that she could do what her mother asked as an alteration for this party. She tried her best to do. She did it the hard way, a 7 years old girl holding her tongue all day, not talking to prove to her mother that she could be fluent; which wasn’t true. She only kept her mouth shut for one day.

On Saturday morning she woke up early and wasn’t sure if it was a dream or reality, until her mother started preparing for the party. She went upstairs to try her dress on; a long blue and white dress that she thought that only a princess would have a dress like that. She was still not sure about the party, she had many questions but was afraid to ask, a question may ruin her party if she didn’t ask it properly with a fluent tongue.

Her friends started to come; they all were amazed with her princess dress; she was so proud to be the princess of the party; she ruled the place and the eyes were all on her. She took all the attention of the guests. She played all day and had fun. One of the kids asked her: “There are no candles on the cake. Isn’t it your birthday?” “No” she said; “Then why this party?”. “Go ask my mother” she said it, thinking it was a good opportunity to know the reason her self. They both went to her mother; the friend asked her, and the mother answered “Because she has been a good girl” and winked to her daughter.

Her mother had suffered a lot with her daughter; she felt her pain and wanted badly to take it all away, but as a human with limited powers she couldn’t. She would rarely talk to her daughter about her stammer thinking that her daughter is not comfortable when talking about it.

When her daughter’s stammer gets to its peak, the daughter prefers to be mute yet have to talk sometimes specially with her family it’s when the mother breaks down crying in front of her daughter.

“W—W—Why are you c—c—c—crying?”
“I miss my family dear”
“W—W—-” loses her breath; inhales trying to get enough air “W—We are your fffffffffff—fffamily”
“Yes you are”

The daughter knows that her mother is hurt because of her; but a girl in her age would only think that she was the reason for those tears and pain not knowing that her mother felt sorry for her and that she cried because she can’t do any thing to reduce her daughter’s suffering.

She only knew that good girls never stammer.

To be continued

In winter it snows at her place, their back yard would be covered with snow, thick, white and cold, she and her brother would wear their coats and gloves and make a snowman by the help of their mother. They would put buttons as his eyes and a stick as his nose.

When it starts snowing again they go inside and search in their VHSs for a good movie. They usually choose Mary Poppins or L’apperentie Sorciere, Musical movies, full of magic and other worlds. They sing and dance with the characters and act as if they were not in their living room, not in their house, not in this world.

She was 5 at the time she discovered another world, the world of where she could talk not fluent yet she wasn’t bothered by her talk; she started adding some characters to her world and joins her brother sometimes. Her world was every where, at home, at class, in the playground, when watching TV, when listening to a story or reading a book.

In her world she had a friend called Casper who would come for her rescue when ever she needed. Everything in her world could talk and fly except for her, she could jump high, dance as a ballerina, and talk as a mild stammerer. She would talk so much in her world that the caterpillars would call her “chatterbox”. Her mild stammer was obscure, which made her think for a while that she was fluent as others.

At six they had to move south where she started attending in a new school. In her class some kids were mean and started calling her Porky the pig; it’s when she went to her world searching for Casper who refused to come and help her. She started being aggressive; once she pushed a girl on the ground and another time she pulled one’s hair. If her tongue couldn’t defend her, her hands could, she thought.

Her teachers were so nice with her and never forced her to read loud, she would only read in a group and only if she felt like it. But they never gave her an important role in school plays thinking that she might spoil the show and not knowing that acting was never a problem to her. She felt jealous of the other kids and wanted badly to take a role in a play but she never said that to any. She would instead do those roles in front of the mirror with her imaginary friends and brother.

Her talking disorder produced other habits that would accompany her talk. Squeezing her hands and lips, shaking her head, stamping her feet and closing her eyes tight, were habits that would accompany her talk to force her words out. Talking quickly until loosing her breath which caused for losing her voice at the end of every sentence would make her repeat it again. Switching words and saying something but meaning another, asking for something but wanting something else were other habits produced by her disorder.

One morning Billy’s mother sent him for lemons, and he returned with a purchase of oranges. Why, she wanted to know, did he bring oranges instead of lemon? “Because the man didn’t have any lemon” said Billy. Whereupon she determined to return the oranges herself and give the grocer a piece of her mind. She went and Billy started after her with fear- stricken eyes. Then he hid him self in the bedroom.
“Billy” she said, quite beside herself with anger, when she returned, “Why did you lie to me?”. A flood of pent up tears rushed down Billy’s cheeks. The mother gathered him in her arms. “Come, son” she consoled “Tell your mother your mother what is the matter” she knows her little man wouldn’t deliberately story to her. And Billy, amid violent sobs, said “I couldn’t say the words”

Abraham H. Kanter & Abe S. Kohn – And The Stutterer Talked

 

To be continued

Shakir was the first to approach her “Hi, would you be my friend?” “Yes” she replied in a tinny voice that was barely heard.

She began to talk more often and respond to other kids yet not much to her teacher. The more she talked the more breath she lost, the more pain in her chest she got, and more words were blocked. She didn’t like the feeling she had when finishing her talk and wanted to say her words again, in a proper way, but eventually she will get the same results.

She still didn’t care much and started making friends. She, Shakir and two girls made a group until one day one of the girls told her that she can’t play with her anymore because her mother said if she keeps playing with her she will start talking funny, like her. The two girls left the group fearing to catch the habit; Shakir remained being her friend and didn’t care about her funny talk.

To get rid of the bad feeling she gets after each conversation, she started repeating her words to her self non-obviously; for her surprise they came out smoothly with no blocking.

She started trying things that will stop her from blocking. Talking to her self worked, talking to the mirror worked, talking to her toys worked, talking to the pigeons out side her window worked, and talking to the words written in her parents books worked. She discovered then that only talking to humans didn’t work.

To be continued

Once upon a time; there was a mute little girl who started talking little words only when needed and chose to be silent when ever she needed.

Years past and she remained mute until the age of four when she first went to kindergarten. It’s when she and her family realized that she has a speech disorder, it’s when she was obliged to talk and to say words when she is not ready to say, it was not her choice, it wasn’t the time she chose to say it.

Words just won’t come out; they would reach her tongue yet never out of her mouth no matter how hard had she tried. She didn’t understand why, but didn’t care much at that time. She just chose to be mute and talk only when she feels like it. The teacher would talk to her and she would not respond, she would say nothing.

To be continued