Fluent Thoughts

I am a very strong woman, not as it seems in my blog; I have a leader personality since I was young. People who read my blog think that I’m a shy person for what I write through my posts, am absolutely not, I talk to people while looking them in the eye no matter who she/he was; I’m just sensitive.

I used to be quite when feeling that I will stammer or will be tensed and that will cause for my stammer. To get through this I’ve invented a game that I play from time to time it’s called, oh I still didn’t name it (will think of a name later);I play it two to three time a week; I call banks, companies, stores or any place that has a call center, I call and ask questions about their products, for the sake of talking in phone, every time I do that I have trembled hands, fast heart beatings and a strange feeling in my stomach; I say shut up stupid feelings and let me do this, I have nothing to lose, they might hang up on me, I will call again and make them regret it with my non stop questions  thankfully this didn’t happen yet

That was one thing; the other thing is I’ve quitted my first job but I didn’t leave without revenging, I made my Ex- Boss regret his bad attitude with me, and felt no guilt in that. I had a long vacation that I’ve spent with my family; and got a new job.

And there is this thing that I would like to tell, but will not tell now  it will be a surprise that you will know in 2007 hopefully

I should have got used to it by now.  
   

I have sensed some tense in my speech and my tongue started to cramp today while talking; I guess my friend is coming back.

I have those dreams that tell me about its arrival usually; I had one of them at Monday night.

My mood is still سامري

It’s kind of strange, the speech development I’m going through these days. As I’ve mentioned before it is mild with no tense; it is a mixture of fluent talks with swaps and first letter repeating. Today a blocking has been added to it, a gentle block where there is no loss of breath and no cramping tongue. I can release my tongue easily and start talking again.

Although it’s not 100% fluent and I’m still stammering it feels good; it is a level of fluency that I would not mind staying in forever. It feels perfect.

I ’ve been in the past three weeks until today in the mildest stage of stammer I have ever been in, and for the first time in my life I’m not afraid of losing it.

I talk about what ever comes up in my mind, I swap letters a lot “بدليات” and repeat others as well yet in a fluent easy way, I have no pressure and have no tense.

I feel as it’s not me who is talking as if some one else is.